Yesterday, was my birthday and the one year anniversary of the day that I truly found out that I was pregnant, and I'm relieved to say that I only cried twice. I had to work all day, literally I got to work at 8:30 am and left at 10 pm, because we had an event at work last night. I think it was probably good that I was super busy all day. I did cry as I put my angel pin on my shirt that I wear on the days that I'm especially missing her, and did get overwhelmed when I thought about how happy I was on my birthday last year. And, I cried a little with my dearest friend at work as we talked about the significance of the day for me.
I no longer cry everyday, my jealousy towards pregnant women IRL is waning (as long as they're having boys!), and its easier to be around babies. I still get weepy as I walk through the baby sections at stores though, but try to tell myself, that its only a matter of time before I'll be buying for a baby again. But, thats really not the point, I miss Lily, and never want to forget how ecstatic and blessed I felt when I learned that she was coming into my life. She just wasn't here as long as I wanted her to be~ but, loved every second that she was...
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5 comments:
I am the same way about pregnant women and them having girls. I have yet to she a brand new baby boy and I am not sure how I will feel when I do. since I should have a 2 week old baby. Anyways, I am sorry you didnt have your Lily for your birthday I will also be turning 31 this year and I found out I was pregnant one month before my 30th birthday. Hope your day today is better and Happy Birthday one day late.......
((Hugs)) sweet girl. I'm so sorry Lilly wasn't with you on your birthday; that things were not as they ought to have been.
It is strange, isn't it? - balancing our resolve to be optimistic that we'll be buying baby stuff again one day, with the knowledge that we will never have our first borns back? Its so surreal. And I'm very proud of you for working through it :)
I am so proud of you, it must have been such a difficult day. I love that you wear an angel pin, that is so sweet.
It is amazing to me how over time, the fits of crying are less, your heart can handle just a little bit more, but it can never be whole again.
I still cant stand to see pregnant women and some babies bother me especially girls and if it is twins, forget it, I just have to run away.
Much love, Jen. You are doing great.
That is incredible. I'm so glad you were busy and didn't have too much time to think too deeply about it. You are right, it is only a matter of time until you are back to buying baby things for your rainbow baby, but it is so painful at the same time. Hugs.
I read your post 2 days ago and I was waiting to write you a really nice happy birthday note yesterday...but I forgot! :( So, I'm sorry you had to spend the whole day at work but I hope you get to celebrate a little this weekend.
I know exactly what you mean about being happy as long as people are having boys! I STILL feel like that, even though I'm pregnant with a girl. I don't actually have her here yet, so I get a little jealous of people who have baby girls because *I* should have one, too. Fortunately, most of my friends have had boys recently.
I'm glad that you had a happy 30th birthday - Lily was your gift. She was one of the best gifts you'll ever get. Hopefully though, she will be one of several. :)
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