I remember going to see the Sex and the City movie on the opening weekend last May with my sister, and I being blissfully happy because I was pregnant with my first baby. I remember empathizing with Charlotte because in the movie she is pregnant after trying for years and she was so happy and so anxious because she had finally gotten what she always wanted~ I could have done that role because that was my life.
The movie was on cable last night and my dh hadn't seen it yet, so I watched it again even though I knew the emotions that it would stir inside of me. My story doesn't end as happily as Charlotte's story, and watching the movie last night put me right back in that dark theatre with my sister at my side. I remember crying when Charlotte had her baby and they were in the hospital and I could almost place myself in that bed and imagine all the happiness that she was feeling. My daydream of that day for my family never became a reality.
I imagine we all have a special spot in our hearts for our first pregnancies and our firstborns (I would definetly like to believe that I am my parents' favorite~just joking, Aimee). I will be just as ecstatic and in love with any future children that my wonderful hubby and I bring into the world, but my heart does ache for the dreams that will never be fulfilled for my beautiful firstborn, Lily.
Life isn't a movie, and it isn't a fairytale...but, we all have a story to tell. My story began meeting the love of my life and creating a beautiful life together~ Lily. The rest of my story cannot be found in cliffnotes, but instead must be lived day by day.
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3 comments:
That's tough. There are so many reminders of a happier and more carefree time with my first pregnancy as well. I know I will be happy as can be to be raising a healthy child in the future, but that makes it even more sad that I will never get to give Gregory all the love and experiences I planned to. I hear you. I think about you often.
I know exactly how you feel. {hugs} My heart also aches for what could have been..... even though we have lost, they will forever be in our hearts and the next time around, think how much more we will cherish evrey moment....
I have a movie memory, too, but it was after Jenna had died. The day after Christmas, my SIL and I took Tessa and my nephew to see Marley and Me. It was an emotional week for me anyway, as it was Jenna's due date, and when the wife had a miscarriage, I just bawled, right there in the movie theatre. Tessa wants to get Marley and Me soon when it comes out, but I don't know if I'm ready to watch it again or not.
Big hugs to you.
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