This day last year I went home and took a pregnancy test because my always prompt period had not arrived, and for the first time saw the word "pregnant." I think my actual words to my husband was "dear God, its says pregnant!" On March 26th, I went to my RE for the blood work to confirm, and was again thanking God for the most precious 8 letter word that ever landed on my ears. March 26th was my 30th birthday, and I never really ever wanted to be 30, because that was the age when you're a teenager that you believe means your fun life is over. I didn't care how old I was on my birthday last year, because I was ecstatic that I would never have to spend a birthday again without my child. So, tomorrow I turn 31 (yikes!) and I am empty armed.
I'm not sure my birthday will ever have the same meaning, because in my mind now, its just the anniversary of the happiest day of my life~
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My daughter, Lily, was stillborn at 23 weeks on August 3, 2008. Her blog has been my safe haven to work through all of my grief but now I want it to be a place of hope. Lily's House of Hope is a pic (for babyloss parents) of your baby's name somewhere in Lily's house. You can make your requests to lilysmommy8308@yahoo.com
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- Uterus envy?
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- Clifford the big red dog~
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- Losing my mind!
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- I wish I could take away his pain :(
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4 comments:
I absolutely hate the calendar. As if it weren't bad enough that we have so many anniversaries on there, then they have to go and coincide with otherise good days, and then our emotions get all spun around in circles!
I'm glad you can remember this day as the happiest day of your life, although I'm sure that its bittersweet as well.
I'm struggling with the thought of my birthday too, because I never thought I'd get to that age without our babies.
I'm sorry for the mixed emotions I'm sure your experiencing, and I hope you enjoy the day nonetheless :)
Our stories could not be any more alike! I found out I was pregnant with Brenna the day after my 31st birthday. This past birthday was kind of hard because I pictured it with a baby, and I didn't have one.
I'm sorry. It is so unfair that there are so many "dates" that bring on pain now for us deadbaby mamas. I didn't turn 30 but Greogry was born and died the day before my birthday so on my birthday I was at home in bed my first day as a childless mother. I think it will always suck now. Hugs.
I hate the calendar also, when you have been struggling for years and now have the dates on births/deaths/HPTs/betas and top that off with holidays and birthdays, it is tough to handle any date, it is amazing we get up out of bed everyday.
Have nice birthday, the best you can.
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