Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Tolerances

I'm trying to be careful to not turn this blog into talking about the adoption all the time because it was created in honor of my beautiful daughter, but there are lifechanging things going on right now that I feel I want to get out of my mind...

Our adoption consultant gave us homework to complete prior to our next appointment, and this included doing our tolerances worksheet. Which in essences is what scenarios would you, as adoptive parents, be comfortable with when be chosen by particular birthparents. Some of these scenarios were so out there that I did become a little panicked...like would you accept a child that has tested positive for cocaine, or what if the birthmother slept with two guys on a one-night stand and she didn't know which one was the baby's daddy would you be willing to accept the child...I'm sure these scenarios happen in real-life all the time, but this is the first time that these scenarios could possibly interact with my life. I'm not even going to get into the bitter venting about why God allows the crackmommy to carry her baby to term, but my baby had to die...I'm trying to let go off all of that baggage...obviously a long process for me. I felt so shallow by the time that we were done with the tolerance sheet, but I try to think of going into this adoption like a woman would go into a new pregnancy. When you're pregnant you want your child to be healthy and happy, and likewise I want the healthiest child that we can possibly get...why should I accept any less in my desires for my child just because I am unable to have children naturally?

Ultimately, I am learning that you have to take life as it comes at you...duck and weave, and try to get good hits in from time to time...and try to smile through it all...

1 comment:

mlg- believe N miracles said...

Jen
I think you are taking a wise approach to adoption, treating it like a pregnancy, I know this must be bittersweet, but it is exciting none the less. I have been looking intp adoption for the past year, but cant seem to take the next step, I am too scared, I am learing alot from you as you navigate, you are amazing!