Friday, February 13, 2009

To go back...

The docs used Cytotec on me when they were trying to induce labor after Lily died because they thought that giving birth naturally would be my best bet on having successful births in the future. I was becoming critically ill and she was still inserting Cytotec in me because she was just insistent that a C-section at my stage of pregnancy (23 weeks for simplicity sake) would hurt my chances of having future children. I ended up having an immediate c-section...fully expecting them to take out my uterus while I was in surgery...because I was becoming so sick and they didn't know if I would make it if they wanted any longer to get Lily out of my body. When they opened me up it was discovered that I had had a uterine rupture and that Lily and the placenta were actually lying in my abdominal cavity. I can't help but wondering if they had gone in earlier instead of insisting that I give birth naturally would I have had the rupture and therefore have a completely useless Uterus? At least with a c-section it would have been a neat cut on my uterus versus the completely jagged ugly cut on the top of my uterus. I just wish I could go back to that day. I was going in DIC (look it up...the initials also stand for "death is coming"), pulmonary edema, and was septic when they finally decided to do the c-section.

I have a completely useless Uterus, but it does still manages to give me a great period every 28 days...how ironic that it can do that part of its job, but not complete the ultimate job of keeping my baby safe?

2 comments:

mlg- believe N miracles said...

I am so sorry Jen, it isnt fair. I hope one day you can have peace. Thinking of you.

E and K Rausch said...

I agree, although my situation is a little different I wonder about doing it all over again. Its hard to have those what if's they hurt the worst. I hope that one day you can look back and have some peace about it. THAT is what I wish for me......