Why?

I wanted nothing in life more than to have a daughter...first and foremost, I wanted to lead her to the Lord, in all ways to seek him first in all that she did in life. I wanted to teach her to be strong, intellectual, feminine, and self-sufficient. I wanted to teach her to not put up with any man's bs...to not fall for the stupid lines that boys will say to get their way (knowing full and well that she probably would because we all do in one way or another, thats part of life). I had this vision of someone like me, but better. Having a daughter, but not being able to be with her is extremely difficult. My husband and I went to have breakfast at our favorite spot this morning and there were all these adorable little girls, and in my mind I am hoping that these women are taking their jobs of raising these little girls into bright women as seriously has I had planned to do...Most are, I'm sure, and the other part of me is hurting so badly b/c I will never have Saturday morning breakfasts with my daughter, the most loved in my heart.

It's just difficult to have to forget all these plans that I made...I've become a different person since my daughter died, and I make no apologies for my new self. My true friends will continue to love me, and my family...well, they have no choice (they do, but I'm not a mean different).

Slowly, but surely...