Wednesday, September 3, 2008

1 month angelversary

I has (already!) been a month since our beautiful Lily became one of God's little angels. Slowly, the physical pain is waning and getting around is becoming easier. The emotional pain is another thing completely. One moment, I feel optimistic and believe that Lily wants me to move on...the next I feel as if I'm moving on too quickly, and worry that she is going "but mommy, what about me?"... I dream of her and in my dreams I'm crying and unable to move on, then I wake up and the rest of day is filled with missing my baby. I regret not holding her more in the hospital, and kick myself for not kissing her little face...I was just still so sick when they brought her to me. I know the days will tick away, but I know that I will carry the same thoughts through out the rest of my life.


Mrs. Mother said...

Please don't kick yourself when you are down. She knew you loved her and kissing her body is not what would tell her that. I hope today is peaceful for you.

Beth said...

I know what you mean - I could kick myself for not taking any pictures of my baby. I have the one from the hospital though, and that will just have to do it for me. But when I think of Ada, I don't just think of her little body - I think of all that she meant to me. Think of Lily that's not just about what you did during that little bit of time that you had her to hold, but about how much she meant to you.