Our first Christmas without Lily

If I said that I had not envisioned this day being entirely different than it turned out then I would be lying to you all. My excitement for Christmas time had returned to the days when I was a kid. All because we would have our Lily here with us. Her absence today was very hard for my husband and I as we watched all our nieces and nephew open their gifts. The same scene as last year and the year before that...yada yada yada...

My hubby and I are having our 3rd annual last Friday party tomorrow (the last Friday of the year just happened to be the day after Christmas this year, so next year it will have to be called something else entirely). I bought a beautiful cana lily plant to go next to her picture to honour Lily during the party. I am also going to keep a candle lit during the entire party. Lily is a member of this family and I will not act like she never existed. There is a very beautiful photo of Lily on the table in our foyer, and I expressed to my hubby that the picture would not be moved under any circumstance when we decided to proceed with the annual party. Sure, a picture of our dead baby isn't exactly the "socially appropriate" photo, but it's a photo of our child nevertheless.

So, I'm ready for this year to be over, and its not even because I have this well of hope that next year will be better...this year was just the worst year of my life, and I figure that it can't get any worse.