When people find out that I had a stillborn daughter in August their immediate response is "Wow, you look like you're doing good." What?!? I wanna say "no, I still cry everyday, but just because my daughter's heart stopped doesn't mean that the work has..." but instead I smile and say "well, you have to do the best you can each day..." I understand that some probably believe that they are giving me a compliment, but you know my immediate response is guilt, because I feel as if they think that I'm over her and moved on. This is my issue to deal with, but I'm just so stuck in this overwhelming grief. I don't even remember how to feel happy like I did before Lily died. I function well for the most part, but I carry this sadness in my heart that is hard to describe. I used to roll my eyes when people just gushed about how much they loved their baby the first time they laid their eyes on them, but now I understand, but I don't have my baby with me...
I'm pathetically sad...and the thing is is that there is no end in sight...
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I am so sorry for you loss. I understand your responses to people. I also tell people I am doing alright but inside I also carry the constant sadness. If people really new how I felt they wouldn't understand and wonder why I wasn't moving on. No one understand unless they have lost a child. You are not alone in the constant sadness feeling inside. I am a different person to people at work then I actually feel.
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