We went to a great wedding Saturday night, you know, the kind of wedding where EVERYTHING is perfect. I mean they had a freaking candy bar and a Star*bucks station...needless to say I had to a blast~ decaff, of course :)
Maybe, I'm the only one that does this, but when I go to a wedding I automatically think back to the day that hubby and I tied the knot. How rosy I thought our life was going to be. Don't get me wrong, I have a GREAT marriage and my hubby is my greatest blessing. But, I never thought that we would travel down this road that we are on now. My first mistake was thinking that getting knocked up was easy. Boy, was I freaking wrong. I ended up having two surgeries to repair equipment (and, the equipment still sucks~no warranties on a crappy uterus though and I only have one tube-poor thang!) and we finally got pregnant after nearly 2 years of trying. Then, WHAM! We have a dead baby. My hubby and I were so carefree when we talked of having babies in the beginning of our marriage, now, I'm usually reduced to tears. Its hard when you get to a point when you know that pregnancy doesn't equal baby. That Jen and Chuckie sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-NG doesn't end with pushing a baby in a baby carriage.
I do know that we are stronger as a team for what we have endured. People used to tell me that the reason that Chuck and I got along so well is that we had never faced a true hardship as a couple. No one says that to us now. Is there any greater hardship that having your child buried/cremated before you? I think not.
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I hear you. We see weddings every weekend when we go down to the beach. And there has a been a number of times when we've been bitter and said things like, "boy, i bet they'll aways be happy and never lose their baby."
It's so funny, because I was just thinking about this the other day.
I was pictured Chev and I at our wedding and how truly happy we were. How blissful and naive we were.
I think back to then, and how I never would have thought, in a million years, that we would be walking in these shoes.
It's so hard to lose that innocence.
You’re right, there isn’t any greater hardship. Not even losing my dad or dearest grandmother made me grieve that long and I loved them dearly. (I still have my mom) The only other thing that I find very hard to come to terms with is when one of my pets dies.
About a month before Ada died, Hunter and I went to one of my best friend's weddings at the same church where we got married. I was in the wedding and I remember looking out at him in the audience and it was so special. Here we were, 5 years later, back in the same church and expecting our first baby. That was one of my happiest moments during her pregnancy.
A few weeks ago we went to another wedding right here on the beach. Later, we both admitted that during the wedding we were thinking about Ada's ashes out there in the water.
I think hardship makes a couple much stronger! Hunter and I have known each other for 10 years next month, and just last night we were talking about all that we've been through. I think communication is key to getting along, not the fact that you had never faced a hardship. It sounds like you and Chuck do a good job at communicating.
I think this is why I'm so emotional about my sister's upcoming wedding - just looking at them and thinking about all that lies ahead of them (hopefully all good things), and thinking about when we standed there. . . and all that was to come for us.
Jen - I just stumbled across your blog, and have read your entire story. I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Lily. I know that a new baby won't help, but God has blessed you with another pregnancy.
All of my thoughts and prayers are with you, and with little Abebe. :-)
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