I am making myself neurotic...already...

So, I have pulled out my trusty copy of the holy grail of pregnancy books What to expect when you're expecting. I find myself skimming the glossary to find all of the bad things that can happen in early pregnancy so that I can remind myself of all the bad things that can happen in the first trimester, and so I can recognize any symptoms immediately. My new obsession is blighted ovum, or as I just learned from bbc, an early pregnancy failure. Seriously, tomorrow will be one week from the BFP and its just so difficult to relax. If we do the c-section at 37 weeks then I have 32 more weeks of complete and total paranoia.

May 11th cannot come fast enough...I desperately need to see a heartbeat that day so that my stress level can come down a notch.

March of Dimes Walk

The March of Dimes walk was on Saturday and I didn't die~ as was my previous prediction due to my lack of activity in, well, forever.

My family got into town on Friday night and we ordered pizza and played boardgames. It was great because it reminded me of when I was a kid, all except my sister having one, two (or so) glasses of wine :) I love you, Aimee!!! We woke up early and met some of my friends from work at Marta. Some of my friends from work had never ridden on Marta even though all of them having been living in Atlanta for years~ so, new experiences were had! We got to the walk in our matching Team Lily Angeline t-shirts and was overwhelmed to see how many people were there....literally, thousands upon thousands. At one point there was a t-shirt contest and my sister-in-law got on stage to showcase our t-shirt and I started to cry when the announcer said Lily's name over the soundsystem. It was an emotional experience because there were other parents at the walk and one t-shirt in particular said that they walk for the daughter that lives in heaven and it gave the dates of her birth and death. One little boy was wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm a big brother but my sister lives in heaven." It was surreal to see how many families are affected with premature births, and infant death.

We did the 3.9 mile walk (thank God it wasn't the 5.2 miles that was posted on the website!), and I did blame the baby for needing even more breaks than I had originally attended to take...but, I couldn't help but sigh and say a silent prayer that we won't be doing this walk next year for two babies. It was a beautiful day and I felt extremely blessed to be surronded and supported by my wonderful friends and family. These are the same people that loved Lily while she was here on earth, and continue to love her even after death.

So, here are some photos of the walk~

A pic of me before the walk~ can you see Lily's tiny hat on my t-shirt?
Just a few of all the people ahead of us in the walk!

The drum line that led the family teams to the start line of the walk...

All 14 (15 if you include new little bean) members of Team Lily Angeline~

Still in shock? I am!

I laughed so hard as I read all of your comments on my last surprising post~ I pretty much said the same things, from Holy crap to you have got to be kidding me...

We weren't planning on trying until June when we were in Scotland, but this little bean evidently wanted to be there too and not just a souvenir! Seriously, it took us nearly 2 years to get pregnant with Lily....a surprise pregnancy, me? Every month with trying to get pregnant with Lily was timing out the days, having sex, putting my feet in the air, not moving for like 2o minutes to give the swimmers some time to get on their journey. This one...nothing. Yep, good times were had then went straight back to enjoying a Saturday afternoon.

I called my ob-gyn and told them that I was pregnant...an hour later, the doctor HIMSELF called to congratulate me. One point for Mr. Second Opinion doctor! My first appointment is on May 11th, so that we can do an u/s and (please, God!) see a heartbeat. My left tube is kind of rough terrain, so first things first, is making sure that the baby is in my uterus. He has already told me that we will do a c-section at week 37 (if not a little before depending on how my uterus is holding up), which will put this baby coming right about Dec. 3rd...Lily's estimated due date from last year. My ob-gyn was telling me that although I'm a difficult case, that he has seen worse. Which, as crappy as this sounds, makes me feel better. He was telling me on the phone the other day that he has done c-sections before where the uterus was so thin that he could see the baby through the uterine wall. I feel so blessed to have this doctor, and my trust doesn't come easily anymore.

Anyways, the news is still sinking in, and I'm causiously excited...I've only told a handful of people IRL about the new baby. I have a few people in my life that were against me getting pregnant again, so those people will be told after the first appointment. My whole family was here last night, so we did tell my family and they are over the moon excited. My mom was crying because she was so happy! We're all aware of the risks involved with this pregnancy, but I will be getting the best care available and will be closely monitored...so, I plan on enjoying this pregnancy and taking good care of myself and our new little family member~

We're tring to come up with a clever nickname for the baby instead of just saying "the baby" over and over again. Any suggestions?

Let's hear it for the left tube!!!

I AM PREGNANT. I'm in absolute awe right now because we were not even trying. I've felt a little wierd for the last couple of days, so I decided to go ahead and take a test. The first one was one of the first response with the two lines, and the second one was a clearblue digital and they both say PREGNANT.

I'm trying to be very calm right now, because mixed with the joy is some fear...but, I'm just so darn proud of that left fallopian tube!

5.2 miles...heaven help me!

So, the March for Babies walk is this Saturday and I sure wish I had been practicing the 5.2 miles for this walk, because I may very well be the walk's first casuality. Exercising, sadly, is not my bag.

My entire family is walking in Lily's memory, so they are coming into town on Friday and staying the night. So, I'm trying to tidy up the house and finish up the last details for Saturday. There are 13 members on Lily's team, so I have to coordinate on how all of us will find each other at the walk. Everyone on Lily's team is wearing the same t-shirt that I had made special for the event, so they should be easy to spot.

I'm really geared up and looking forward to this event. In some small way, I finally feel as if I'm doing something motherly for my baby. I don't get the chance often to do something to publicly honor her and her short life. And, I know that I will do this walk every year forward...for her, and for all her little playmates in heaven.

PRAYER NEEDED

Please, head over to www.angel-skye-orner.blogspot.com and join in on the prayer request needed for this family. Many of you know Erica and how loving and supportive that she is to many of us everyday and now she needs all of us in dbml to join together and pray for the little one growing inside of her.

Please, pass on this prayer request to your church, neighbors, family, and friends...and, I just know that we will see a miracle with baby orner...

Scared...

I had a dream last night that I was 25 weeks pregnant and was out shopping with my mom and sister, and my water breaks. I remember crying in my dream and telling my sister to hurry up and call Chuck. I'm crying and saying over and over again "I'm going to lose another baby..."

I guess these fears are starting to fester as our start date of TTC again approaches. The pain of losing Lily has been tremendous and I do fear of something happening again. I don't know how I could piece my heart together again if something else were to happen. Unfornately, we in dbm land know that multiple losses do happen...

I know I can't allow fear to keep us from achieving our goals of having a child in our home, but there isn't anyway of keeping the fear away either...