Words from a BLD

My hubby wrote this poem for Lily's 3rd birthday. He's such a strong man but I know that he carries a lot of hurt still. When I asked him if I could share this poem on my blog he said "it's probably too depressing for people". My response "your baby dying is depressing and everyone in the babyloss world understands...."

My pain

Three years have past since I touched your skin
In my heart it feels like a day
A different man now lives in this body of mine
A broken creature who holds the same name

For me there is no bright side to see
No silver lining within this dark cloud
Some look skyward and force smiles from pain
But my soul shrieks screams that are loud

I have tried to find some peace since you left
I have tried thinking of the grander plan
But none of those thoughts have a chance to replace
Dreams of my smiling girl holding my hand

Eternity in heaven will be great someday
Being with you should put pain in the past
That future should make me forget these years that we lost
But my focus on the present continues to last

I can’t not let go of the anger I face
Each morning as I welcome the day
I’ve been robbed of the very most precious of gifts
And I can’t wipe my need for vengeance away

I am sorry that I can’t heal the way I should
I want you here so much it hurts
But no matter how nicely I spin this disaster
My upward looking turns downward to the dirt

After all this time my wound is fresh as new
My life that remains is often hard to manage
Some would think that a wall wouldn’t miss one small brick

But when mine fell I could not control the damage