how it feels to be one of the medical professionals that deal with miscarriages, stillbirths and infant deaths. I can't imagine having to watch people be in that situation and not being able to do anything to change the outcomes. I found the following link with a midwife describing how it feels to be there for a stillborn baby's birth. It's a very quick video and not graphic (for those outside the babyloss community) for those that want to give a quick look!
I met someone today and our conversations looped around to our pregnancies and childbirthing experiences. Actually, our conversation started about adopting children out of the foster care system and I had mentioned to her that we couldn't have anymore kids so were looking at adoption. So, the inevitable question of "why can't you have anymore kids?" came up and it never bothers me to answer it. BUT, I have to start with Lily's death to answer that question. I always brace myself for that look but she gave me a look of understanding. As it would turn out, her bestfriend gave birth to a stillborn baby in November 2008 at a week after her due date. Actually, the docs told her bestfriend that the baby actually died about 4 pushes from being outside her body. Could you imagine? I found her next response quite profound considering this new friend is not a babyloss momma but she commented on the fact about how quiet the whole topic of stillbirth is...and it is! She replied about how common stillbirth is but that no one really talks about it...
How true, therefore this blog...
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6 comments:
I wonder myself what its like to be in a profession where there is just as much sadness as there is joy. *hugs* What a dream it would be one day where no woman would have to say good bye to her baby....
It's a whole silent world out there... no-one seems comfortable to talk about it. MIdwives and OB are amazing to be able to deal with extreme highs and lows. One day our society will be able to talk about it and share an understand of how profound a sadness it is... just like the woman you spoke with xoxo
I am a L&D RN and let me first day that I love my job - for the most part it is happy. But when it is sad, it is really sad, as we all know too well. When I started nursing I worked on a high risk pregnancy floor and I had to deal with pregnancy loss a lot - I never thought it would happen to me. I actually switched jobs b/c it was so emotionally draining. My heart hurt for these women, and at the time I didn't know how to comfort them.
When I lost my son, Jackson, I wasn't sure if I could go back to work. But I did, and I am so glad I did. I now have this connection, this compassion for BLM's that I never would have known if it wasn't for my son. Every time I support someone through a loss, or a delivery after a loss I take the time to remember Jackson and thank him for the strength that he gives me on a daily basis.
It is amazing the connection that I have with the women & families who are going through a loss b/c I too have experienced the pain they are experiencing. It is draining and emotionally exhausting (on more than one level) but when I see come back and have a successful pregnancy it is so awesome.
Not everyone gets it - but working where I work I am surrounded by amazing OB's and RN's who really do get it and I am thankful for that.
It's funny, I just posted about something similar to this. Not still births but this community in general and how we feel like we have to be silent... it's very disheartening... as one there's not much we can do.. as a fighting community we can stand tall and let it be know that we won't be silent!!
When we lost Maddie, we had some amazing nurses and doctors. The head of the L&D department (who doesn't usually see patients) insisted on being my nurse.
Then, when Alice was born, many of the same nurses and doctors not only remembered us, but fought to be on our shift. It was incredibly sweet and touching to know that Maddie's life and story touched them, that they remembered. It takes special people!
I'll be starting the nursing program in the fall and I keep having people tell me that I should be an OB nurse. But I just don't know if I could handle it after having been through it, but they keep telling that I'd be the perfect person to do it since I've been there & understand what they're going through. I dont know though, I'm not shutting any doors....she's quite right, too quiet indeed on this topic. It's just sad and silly that it's such a secret especially for just how common it is. I don't think I'll ever understand that. :(
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