I have to admit that recently I have begun answering the dreaded question of "is Cooper your only child" with the answer "yes" because quite honestly the answer "no" was becoming more painful. That sounds odd but the answer "yes" is simple. I don't have to tell her story and *feel* the weight of my heart.
I met a blm unexpectedly the other night while helping with a consignment sale. She's a new mom to our group and is very pregnant with her second boy. We were talking about pregnancy and such and told me that she lost a baby at 6 weeks before having her first son. She gave this information without even knowing about Lily and she said it so pointedly but with love. We then had a long conversation about Lily and I explained why I didn't just come out and tell her about Lily when she first asked me about how many kids that I have.
In the beginning, I was very "out there" with my loss. I was very defiant to anyone that minimized her life AND I still am. Although, over the months that defiance has become more subdued. I began to sympathize with the fact that for most people the subject of a dead baby is very hard. It used to infuriate me when people remarked about pictures of dead babies but to be honest, most people have never seen a picture of a dead baby. Heck, I'd never seen a dead baby before meeting my own.
But, this new friend said to me that I should still tell people about Lily because she is a part of my story. Lily's story changed my life forever...
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6 comments:
She is right....Lily will always be a part of you. She is part of the person you are today. *hugs*
Maybe I am just to new to this world of baby loss but I want to tell everyone about Liam and I don't care if they can accept hearing about that or not. He is a part of my life forever just as Lily will ways be a part of yours. Thinking of you and Lily
Truthfully, I've done both.. I always feel a bit guilty when I answer that Jenna is an only child. But, there are days when I don't have the strength to explain to a stranger, my story. I love Kristen, she will forever be Jenna's baby sister... and as long as I'm aware of that fact, and the people who are close to me recognize her life. It's enough for me.
I understand how it sometimes really hurts to tell about Lily. I've been in your place myself. The many times I have told about Meredith, her story has ususally been received well. Of course, there have been a few who were uncomfortable in hearing it. Bless you for all you have done to help others in the BLM community.
A late happy anniversary! I somehow missed your last post. xoxo
I struggle with this all of the time - sometimes I just tailor it to my audience. It always makes me sad either way.
I totally get the "my defiance has become more subdued" - it's hard for people. Many don't know or can't handle talking about it. I understand that - I couldn't fathom this before living through it. I want people to know about Maddie, but I also know that the important people do.
<3
I'm glad you told me about Lily :) She is definitely a part of who you are, what a great way to think about it. I'm sure as you continue down this path you will figure out what are the best responses for you to be comfortable giving.
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