Sunday, August 24, 2008

The story of Lily Angeline Nolf

I found out I was pregnant on my 30th birthday, and I couldn't have been more surprised and pleased to plan the arrival of our much anticipated child. Especially since we had been told just 2 short weeks prior to the positive pregnancy test that we would not be able to conceive on our own. We felt so blessed, and our testimony to our God firmly grounded and shouted at the rooftops.

The first trial would be finding out if the baby had actually made it into my uterus. See, I had my right fallopian tube removed in February 2008, and my reproductive specialist had told me that my left fallopian tube had too much scar tissue to be of any use to getting pregnant, also. We went for our first ultrasound on April 17th and were elated to discover that the baby indeed was exactly where it was supposed to be...first hurdle crossed succesfully! We also found out that day that the egg had actually traveled from my right ovary (the one without a fallopian tube) to my left fallopian tube (the one that wasn't supposed to work) down to my uterus. Since I had succesfully had gotten pregnant I transferred to a new OB doctor, and the pregnancy progressed like any other low-risk pregnancy. I started having morning sickness around week 6 and it continued until about week 19, so that part wasn't fun but dealt with it with a smile knowing that my reward would be worth every minute. We went to a 3-d ultrasound place when I was 16 weeks 3 days pregnant and were told that we were having a boy. We began planning for our little Cooper, buying the cutest clothes that you could find for a boy and planning a turtle nursery. So, we were shocked to find out that our Cooper was actually a Lily on our 20 week ultrasound appointment. We returned what we could and proceeded to get ready for our princess (I being the queen and all..I'm laughing people).

On Saturday afternoon, August 2, I started to have some pains that really just felt like the worst gas pains ever, so I had my DH call the ob who instructed us to meet her at the hospital. Immediately, upon arriving at the hospital I was hooked to a fetal heart monitor and a contraction machine. I was happy to see her little heart beat was going strong at 146 and that I was having no contractions. Well, I just kept getting worse so they thought my appendix had ruptured and planned to do surgery that night. They came into get me and one of the nurse's wanted to check Lily's hb one last time before going into surgery, it was at that point that Lily's hb started to slow down. My blood pressure had also dropped to 70/40 and my hb was 150 so I was not doing so well myself. My DH watched our daughter on the u/s machine until her heart just stopped comfort is knowing her daddy's voice was the last thing she heard. She was 22 wks 3 days. No one really knew at this point what exactly had happened, but my ob planned for me to deliver her naturally and began to induce my labor. Well, nothing started to happen and I still was not doing too good. By this point I had received 4 pints of blood, my temp was 102, and I was drugged rather heavily for the pain. A specialist came in (really is an angel) who decided I needed an emergency c-section. Once they performed the surgery it was discovered that my placenta had abrupted and I had a uterine rupture. I was placed in a medically induced coma and woke up on Monday on a ventilator. I was in ICU for 3 days and was basically told that I could've died if I had been anywhere than at the hospital when my uterus ruptured. Physically, I am in so much pain and emotionally parts of me wish that I could be with Lily. I had the chance to hold her and tell her that I love her when I woke up from surgery. She is beautiful. I will forever love her and miss her. I was released from the hospital 5 days after the ordeal began, and basically my DH is doing everything for me. We had our daughter cremated and had a beautiful memorial service for her. Her urn is in our room, and one day when I am called home I will reunite with her. Her ashes will be put with my ashes upon my death, also. It hurts so bad b/c its amazing how quickly life can the blink of an eye.

Everyday is painful without her, but I have hope in knowing that I will spend eternity with her in heaven. I know that she is in heaven with Jesus, and I mean is there any better company?

Lily precious Lily~ mommy and daddy will always love you and we will never forget you!


stacey said...

I think it's a good idea that you're doing the blog. I know that I can't completely understand your loss, but know that you guys are always in my heart. Your words have moved me and I look forward to reading future posts. Love you guys!

Becky said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your little one. The idea of a uterine rupture is so scary to me. After having fetal surgery then followed by an emergency c-section the doctors tell me I can never go into labor for fear my uterus will rupture. After reading that you were able to have your sweet Cooper I feel a little more hopeful for when I try to get pregnant again.