Names with the Snowmen

“May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.”

Trennia

Rhiannon

Sarita

Bobby's Mum

Abbie

Maggie

Signs

Enter each day with the expectation that the happenings of the day may contain a clandestine message addressed to you personally. Expect omens, epiphanies, casual blessing, and teachers who unknowingly speak to your condition. ~ Sam Keen

This passage comes from Naming the Child by Jenny Schroedel. I've mentioned this book on my blog before because it's just so awesome! This book probably helped me the most as I've made my journey down this grief road. So, I've started paying greater attention to my surroundings and to the people that I come into contact with on a daily basis. I truly believe that our days are destined from beginning to end and those that we meet and the things that we see are sent to us by God. It's our response to these people and events that brings them to their full potential. It's His grace that allows these signs to come to us. I may sound crazy to some of you and if my follower number starts to drop then I'll know why ;)

Some of the signs that I've had recently include this post and these two other events that I'm going to share with you today.

1. In early December, a dear (blogging) friend lost her rainbow baby at 18 weeks. My heart was heavy and I was thinking about Lily, Oliver and Lily's other baby friends in heaven. I was getting dressed for church and I chose a pair of pants that I hadn't worn in about a month and had somehow missed the dry cleaning basket. I was putting on the pants and felt something heavy in my pocket and this is what I found:

2. Last week, I was listening to a Christian radio station that does a daily family name game and they do this game every hour. The gist of the game is to call in if you have a "insert name" family member and to tell them something neat about that person. Well, this woman had called in and was talking about her daughter Bethany. I thought to myself "Gosh, I wish my daughter were here so I could talk about her." Two seconds later the announcer says "the name for the next hour will be Lily." Now, I listen to this station EVERY single day and they've never called Lily's name! Literally, I was wishing that she was here then her name is the next thing that I hear!

There have also been those times that I'm down about something and in that exact moment a butterfly will drift by or I'll smell a scent in the air that smells like lilies even though I don't have blooming lilies in the house. I always thank God aloud for these moments. I always feel so close to Him and my sweet girl at these times.

Here are some suggestions from Naming the Child related to signs:

• Keep in mind that although parents often experience signs and dreams they can remember, this does not occur in every case. It is wise to be open to signs, but not to seek or expect them.


• Keep a journal of your experiences after your child's death. Although you may think that your memories will never fade, many do, and you may need to go back to certain dreams or experiences for comfort. If you have a good dream, write it down as soon as you wake, even if you wake in the middle of the night. The record will be worth the lost sleep later on!


• If friends and family are skeptical of your experiences, don't let their response mitigate your joy. Some people are not able to accept things that they cannot understand with their rational minds.


• Seek out friends who value your experiences and insights and let the conversation grow with time.


• If one of your children has a dream or experience that brings comfort, encourage them to draw a picture of what they saw or write it down if they are able.

Snowmen

I'll have my tree up until this Saturday so let me know if you would like your baby's name with the snowmen ASAP :) lilysmommy8308@yahoo.com

Lily's House of Hope

Some see a hopeless end, while others see an endless hope. ~Author Unknown

Stacey

Lily's new ornaments

I've been missing Lily a lot these days. I guess it's starting to hit me how long she's been gone and how busy that I am these days. I feel guilty at times for how life keeps moving on without her. I feel guilty for how happy that I feel most days now.

I wish she was here...but, alas, all I have are some new ornaments that I bought for her.

I bought one of these ornaments for all 4 of us~

Lily's House of Hope will be up and running again very shortly. For those of you that don't know, I had surgery in November but I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things. If you would like your baby's name in Lily's house then please send a request to lilysmommy8308@yahoo.com

A sign from Lily

I never missed church before we lost Lily. I went on Sundays and Wednesday nights. I even belonged to a woman's bible study. I loved being at church and fellowshiping with other believers/followers of Jesus Christ. I went through a rebellious stage after we lost Lily. My bible collected dust. I went days without praying. However, I always knew He was there and that she was close by...

This rebellion lasted about 8 months and coincidentally we got pregnant with Cooper the very next month. Again, I started going back to church religiously until I was put into the hospital at 24 weeks but I belong to a huge church that is televised so I watched church on t.v. in my hospital bed. We started going back to church the first Sunday in April (RSV season was over) and one of the songs that we sang was "Shout to the Lord" which some of you may know is Lily's song. I thought "wow, how neat that this would be the song that we would sing on the Sunday that we came back!"

We've missed several weeks due to Cooper's stranger anxiety and seperation anxiety. Both of these anxieties seemed to happen overnight, like one day he was totally cool with other people than all of a sudden, he hated everyone other than my hubby and me. Interestingly enough, these anxieties ended the same way! He's back to a social butterfly!

We went back to church this morning and what song do they sing but "Shout to the Lord!" I started crying, yes, in the middle of church infront of God and everyone. It's like she was telling me that she was happy that we were back in the Lord's house. I can't explain it any other way! I felt like she was all around me during the service...I was sad to leave...

OH, how I miss her so much still...

3:45 AM

3:45 AM is the time that I woke up this morning. I've been awake every since...

I woke up suddenly and my mind was consumed with Lily. I wanted to cry but the tears didn't fall but my heart hurt. I felt like I was going to throw up actually. My whole body was in agony last night with missing her. I try to not focus on the negative aspect of grieving which is idiotic...how do you even do that?

I've done it the last month or so by keeping myself busy and not allowing myself the stabs in the heart. The stabs that come from noticing that the heart shape sticker in the Walgreen's ad for the flu shot has the name Lily written on it. The stabs that come from walking through the therapy waiting room and hearing "okay, Lily, it's your turn!" The stabs are everywhere...

I just miss her. The days have turned into weeks and the weeks in months and the months into years and the grief still stabs...