5th Christmas

Monday marked the 5th time that December 3rd has hit the calendar since Lily died.  December 3rd, 2008 was her due date.  I found the calendar that I kept when I was pregnant with her the other day and December 3rd was circled with just the words "Baby N due!".  Damn, I was so excited for December 3rd (or, thereabouts)...

My facebook status on Monday was "I'll wonder what she'd be like at 4, 14, 24, 34..." and I will.  I'll never be ok that she's not running around my house and drawing on the walls with her little brother.  Never.  Will I enjoy life and keep on trucking on?  Yep but I'll always wish that she were here..

I bought her a new ornament for the tree...