Remember, when you were a kid and you would daydream about being famous...maybe, even marrying a New Kid on the Block? I would just spend hours daydreaming about being the prettiest girl in school, winning Miss America, singing "One Moment in Time" by Whit.ney Houston in front of my entire school, and getting my first kiss from Jor.dan Kni.ght (I was a little obsessed with NKOTB)...
Now, I daydream about being an old (32! pleasantly plump) married lady with two kids...not just any two kids but the two that I gave birth to from my body...
The daydream entails any boring day with waking up with Lily and Cooper both here. Maybe, Lily has fruit for breakfast (she would be 16 months old now) and I would give Coop his bottle...maybe, we would be living in a house with a great big yard and heck, maybe we'd even have a puppy! I'd watch them play in the yard until it was time for a lunch and then a nap...we'd meet daddy at the front door when he got home from work...and, we'd eat dinner, the 4 of us, at the dining room table...we'd have bath time...get ready for bed...I would tuck them both into their beds but only after saying their prayers with them...
This daydream has all the possibilites of happening as much as me becoming Miss America...except, there weren't tears running down my face when I woke up from those...
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My daughter, Lily, was stillborn at 23 weeks on August 3, 2008. Her blog has been my safe haven to work through all of my grief but now I want it to be a place of hope. Lily's House of Hope is a pic (for babyloss parents) of your baby's name somewhere in Lily's house. You can make your requests to lilysmommy8308@yahoo.com
9 comments:
I agree, I did the same daydreaming as a child (except not NKOTB)lol, but I had dreams.
My dreams now are different like yours I dream of what if all my children where here alive and well, I'd have these ages 15,14,12,9,8,3 and almost 2.
I think of my twins it's almost been nine years and Emily would have turned two in a couple of weeks. Sending lots of (((HUGS)))
Oh yes, I had those dreams too, even the NKOTB! I admit it! :) except I liked Joey & I loved Whitney Houston back in the day! I wish this was all one big nightmare and we'd wake up and we were living our dream lives with our babies here with us! Thinking of you, XO.
Oh, sweetie, I sympathize so much. Those prayers and wishes that you could have your babies with you, instead of one in Heaven. I am just sending you four the most ferocious hugs.
I have the same daydream...over and over. I wish my daydreams of having a typical day with my family and having my babies here could come true.
PS I used to like Joey from NKOTB! :)
I am so sorry your daydreams end in tears, mine do as well. Hugs.
I am impressed you remember the names of NKOTB!! If our past daydreams had worked out, we'd have been sisters-in-law!
Your grown-up day dream sounds wonderful! Maybe that's what it will be like in Heaven! {{{hugs}}}
***and a little confession:
I am thrilled to be the mommy of all boys. I absolutely am. But. Sometimes seeing adorable little girl dresses, hair bows and baby shoes make me cry. It just hurts so much to know that I could have had so much fun dressing my baby girl. Maybe we would have been as close as my mom and I are. Sigh...
I guess I'll hope that one day I have a daughter-in-law I can be close with and little granddaughters to dress up and play with.
But. I am so thankful for my little guys! :)
Jordan was my favorite too!:) I had those daydreams then, and I share your same daydreams now as well. I so wish we could both be holding and caring for our sweet little daughters, instead of missing them. All those little things would just be so precious, the bathing, eating, tucking in, etc. It does make me treasure those moments that much more with my boys. Big hugs!
I totally loved NKOTB. lol
I can def relate to your daydream now.
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