Friday, March 6, 2009

New emotions...

So, I believe I am successfully working through most of my anger issues related to the death of Lily. I'm letting go of the what-ifs and if-buts related to the events surronding the night that she died. I'm now spending more and more time wondering what she is doing in heaven and what she will look like when I meet her one day in glory. Its odd that when I found out that I was pregnant I would daydream about what she would look like the day that she was born...well, I now know physically what she looks like, but now I daydream with tears in my eyes about what she will look like and what she will do when we finally are able to embrace. My preacher at church did a sermon one Sunday about what we will look like when we die and go to heaven. He basically told us that we will be in a body that is the best body that we could have ever had on earth~ so, does that mean she will still be a baby?

Its amazing to me the grieving process, and I'm sure there will be some people reading this that will think I'm morbid and I've officially lost it...but, daydreaming of her is how I've learned to cope with having to put the dreams that I had for our lives on earth together on a shelf.

3 comments:

Bluebird said...

Not sure how I found your blog - through mlg maybe? Anyway, I just had to stop by and say how much I love this post. Just in the last month or so I also found myself dreaming about what our babies are doing in Heaven. . . but then I got stuck wondering what they would look like, and never got much further with my thoughts! I like what your pastor said, though, I hadn't heard that before . . .

I just love this line:
". . . well, I now know physically what she looks like, but now I daydream with tears in my eyes about what she will look like and what she will do when we finally are able to embrace."

Thanks for sharing.

mlg- believe-n-miracles said...

Jen, I know that our little girls are in heaven waiting for us. I have wondered about how it will be, what they will look like, I know that it will be wonderful.
You havent gone off the deep end, you are right where you need to be right now to remember and celebrate Lily.

Never forgetting Gregory said...

That is not morbid at all. After I saw Gregory and how gorgeous he was it made me so furious. He looked just like his daddy and would have been soooo cute. It makes it hurt, but also makes it easy for me to daydream what he would have looked like. Sometimes I even see children who catch my eye and I can bet that my little boy would look similar to them. Hugs.