Sunday, March 22, 2009

The anxiety is subsiding, but what is this new emotion?

To say that my emotions have been all over the place this week would be an understatement. I started the week with what I thought would be a barren womb, and ended the week with the green light to put up the for rent sign on my vacant uterus. I am such a changed person, and won't be as naive as I was with my first pregnancy. I can't help to feel some trepidation about losing another baby, at any stage of pregnancy, but especially as far along as I was with Lily. I'm not so much worried about my health, because I've made up my mind that being pregnant again and having a biological child is worth the risk. Maybe, I'm crazy, but I don't feel as if my health is going to be at risk, and I actually feel strangely calm.

Excuse my rambling post, I guess I'm just trying to work through the emotions of the week...and, its got my head spinning!

3 comments:

Jessica said...

You have definitely had an emotionally charged week! I think wrapping your mind around the chance to have a biological child after trying so hard to accept that you couldn't has to be exhausting. It is completely normal to have fears about going through what we went through again. I know I have thought to myself that if something happens this time around... I just could not do it again. I'll be thinking about you and sending prayers your way. Hugs!

Brendan and Brenna's Mom said...

I can not tell you how happy I am that you went for a second opinion. I always felt like there were women in our UR support group who had terrible ruptures and were able to carry another baby, and I wondered why you were told not to. I am so happy you found a doctor who gave you the green light. I understand what you are talking about when you say you feel like everything will be OK if you have another baby. I feel the same way. I feel like I will be fine if I ever get pregnant again. I just know I will.

Never forgetting Gregory said...

I can imagine how you must be going through tons of different emotions. I'm just so glad you get to experience this new nervousness and excitement rather than being told terrible news. Can't wait to hear about your Rainbow Baby!