I read a post on FB recently regarding a family that lost a daughter to stillbirth and even after all this time, those posts still make my heart skip a beat. I think back some times and wonder how I ever made it through those first days, weeks and months following her death. I mean, what choice did I have really?
According to the ticker on her blog, it's been 5 years, 7 months and 21 days since she died. I still think about her often. I haven't cried in a long time but I do have that ache. I woke up one morning and was missing her. It wasn't any special date but I woke up and the longing was there. I went shopping for some stuff for Lily's little brother and saw some purple butterflies. I didn't have a plan for them but I knew that she had a hand in me buying them when I saw that her lilies had started to grow. I hadn't noticed them when I left to go to the store but saw them as soon as I pulled into our driveway. So, I made little butterfly posts to decorate her lily area. I received the butterfly flag holder and the dancing butterfly post as a gift for my birthday. I bought the flag this morning and thought it was perfect for that area...
This Wednesay, my birthday, will be the 6th anniversary of finding out that I was pregnant with her. My heart will never forget how happy that I was that day. My heart had no idea what was headed it's way and how it would never be the same.
So, even after all this time, I love her. I miss her. I'll never stop wishing that she were here. I'll never have a birthday where she's not in my thoughts.
