Thursday, July 15, 2010

Not ready yet...

I was trying to think of what I could do "good" for someone else in honor of Lily's birthday and the quick thought of donating her clothes to charity came to my mind. Why the thought came is beyond me because I'm so not ready...

Her clothes stayed in her drawers and her things stayed in her room until that room became her brother's room. I packed up her clothes, folded her crib bedding, and placed her stuffed animals into a large container...then, pushed that container into the closet...

Why have a large container of carefully chosen with love items to be unused...Logically, I know that they can be put to good use and that there is some sweet baby girl that could use them but my heart isn't *there* yet.

I don't know when my heart will get *there* but it doesn't feel like soon...sometimes, I wonder if I need to be tougher with myself and that I've put way too much thought behind items. She never used them but I bought them for her. There are certain items that I can touch and it takes me back to those days when I could feel inside of me...

I can't get rid of them because I want something to hold, to cling to when I need to feel how life felt with her here...

10 comments:

Jessica said...

you don't have to give away Lily's things if you are not ready to *hugs*

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

I don't know when or if ever I will be able to get rid of her things.
It's a very tough situation... one that I'm not ready to face yet.
I'll be praying for you...

brigette said...

You are brave for even thinking of it. Its hard to give up the last pysical things we have from our babies. Sending much love!

Trennia said...

I did the same thing sweetie, I have Emily's stuff in tote and I have decided to keep it for my future grandkids and if it's no good then I will just cling on too it.(((HUGS)))

AKD said...

Oh, Jen, don't push yourself. We're sharing Maddie's things with Baby A just because we think that's a way for them to be close - but if Baby A weren't a girl, I wouldn't ever be able to get rid of them. I can totally understand your heart saying "no."

Michelle said...

I don't think you should give them away either. I totally understand where you are coming from. I will be donating a memory box to the hospital where I delivered Audrey in her honor just before her birthday. You could do something like that.

Nicole said...

I don't think you need to be tougher on yourself and make yourself do things you're not ready for or don't want to do. I don't plan on ever getting rid of giving away any of Avery's things we bought for her. I want to cling to whatever I have left of her and of the time she was alive. But that's just me. Everyone is different and that's okay. If the day comes when you feel like it's something you should do, then so be it. But if you want to hold onto it as keepsakes, then you have every right. :)

Maggie said...

Don't even get me started on the whole baby clothes subject! Those are Lily's and you don't have to give them away if you don't want to. Hold on to them as long as you want. (((HUGS)))

Lisette said...

There is no rush or a need to give away Lily's belongings. The attachment to things are normal, that is all we have. If and when it's time you will know. ((HUGS))

Bluebird said...

I think it's a lovely idea, but I understand that you're not "ready" to. Honestly, I don't ever intend to get rid of or use the twins things. We talked about it when I got pregnant again, since we have both girl and boy things, but I didn't want to seperate the sets - they must stay together. It's all in a crate and - stranger still - the crate is in DS's closet. It has to stay there; I can't bare to put it in the attic. Perhaps because it was their closet first? Who knows. . .

Anyway, I just had to asay "I understand" in case you're beating yourself up over it :)