Monday, July 19, 2010

Just another patient

I was thinking today about my old ob-gyn...the one I had when I was pregnant with Lily...

I was wondering today if she ever thinks about me or Lily. I was wondering today if my daughter's death ever affects her. I know she sees so many patients and I'm sure she's seen a lot of babies die...but, I imagine she can't be responsible for many patients ending up on a ventilator. It's all her fault. Maybe, not Lily's death but certainly for everything else that followed that day.

God knew Lily was going to die that day. But, she was the one who misdiagnosised me with appendicitis and we lost countless hours as the placenta abruption became catastrophic. She was the one who kept "riping" up my cervix with Cyto.tec even though my body would never go into labor. She was the one who insisted that I should give birth vaginally although I had a fever of 102, was on 5 liters of oxygen, and was receiving 4 pints of blood because my blood count kept dropping...I couldn't have pushed Lily out anyways because she was no longer in my uterus.

In the end, it would be discovered that I had a uterine rupture and my sweet Lily (and her placenta) were lying in my abdominal cavity. I had pulmonary edema and septicemia. By the time that it was all said and done I received 9 pints of blood. I was going into DIC which has a technical term but it also goes by Death Is Coming. I ended up on a ventilator for 2 days. I was supposed to be on longer but I think my body was pissed and I kept waking up...even through the coma inducing medicines.

I think about parts of that day EVERYDAY but I'm sure that I don't even cross her mind. All of the doctors in her practice that rounded on me during my hospital stay were telling me how "distraught" she was...poor thing! It didn't keep her from wearing her children's pictures all over her lab coat when she came to see me on my discharge day.

I'm just another patient to her and Lily was just another baby...

9 comments:

The Blue Sparrow said...

Oh Jen, I am so sorry! I didnt know any of that. I am so sorry that your OB was so negligent. Have you looked into legal action? I sure would. I wish that I had those answers for you, but all I can offer is prayer and the knowledge that Lily's legacy and your words have given me hope and comfort in my own grieving process. I hope this helps
a little bit.(((HUGS)))

Trennia said...

That is pitiful, so many obgyn are negligant anymore.Mine was too, he left me after Emily went to heaven before I was even taken off the OR table, then I started bleeding to death he shows up 2-2 1/2 hours later I loss my uterus too...I know sweetie! (((HUGS)))
I'm so sorry people don't care enough about others...

Holly said...

I wonder if she does think of you....honestly, if I were a dr and that happened I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it. I would be guilt-ridden. The thing is she gets to move on but it's not so easy for you.

Jill said...

Jen, I am so sorry. I did not know all of that. I often wonder if the person who delivered my babies ever thinks about them. They have so many patients so I am not sure if they ever cross her mind. My OB was not the person who delivered.

Thinking of you!!

Brie said...

What an aweful experience you had with that OB..I would venture to say she must think of you from time to time, even if she might not remember your name, she must remember the patient who had uterine rupture and almost died.

Em said...

How awful. I am so sorry. {{{hugs}}}

LindaCatherine said...

Jen,
When I read your post it took my breath away - I am so so sorry that you were put through all of that. Have you looked into legal action? Why don't you write her a letter (if you intend to send it or not it up to you) but by writing it all out, and letting her know how you felt the day you lost Lily, and the days since, might just be the slap in the face that she needs. Be blunt, be honest and tell her how her decisions made you feel.

Know that we are all here supporting you....every step of the way!

Mrs. Mother said...

I think writing a letter to her is a wonderful idea. Big hugs to you. I knew your story, and it makes me sad every time I think of it. I'm sure she does think of you from time to time.

Maggie said...

What a terrible experience! I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that on top of losing your sweet Lily. I often think of my old doctor too and wonder the same things. XOXO