Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Lily's one year~

I was shopping today to get somethings that I need for Lily's one year memorial that we are having with just family on Saturday. I'm planning every detail, from the color of the cupcake holders to the balloons for the balloon release being just the right pink.

Now, I want to cry. I don't want to "celebrate" her short life. I want her here with me. I want to cry because of how fast time has gone since I held her. I want to cry because of how unfair life is and why He had to take her away from me.

I just want to cry...and, right now I don't know how I'll make the tears stop coming...

9 comments:

Bluebird said...

Then don't, dear friend - just cry. Let the tears keep coming. I imagine they've built up for quite a while, and have been hidden behind the labor of love that has been your preparations.

It reminds me of when we left town after our Preeclampsia Foundation Awareness Walk was over - I cried the whole way home. We busy ourselves in tangible ways of bringing honor to our little ones - but eventually, there's a break in the "doing" and the tears must come.

I'll be thinking of you all in the coming days. I'm sure everything will work out beautifully. Although - how I wish you were having a birthday party rather than a rememberance of her little life. So many ((Hugs))

Zackery's Mom said...

Asa mom that has had to "celebrate" my son's birthday (angelversary) 5 times now, it is completely OK to cry! It is unfair, it is unjust, it is not right that we have had to bury our children before we got to know them. I do it because that is something I know Zackery would like to have done and I would have been doing it for him anyhow. We mark it as a day for our family to do stuff that he would have liked as a way to remember him on his special day.
Be gentle with yourself, give yourself permission to cry, & do what you want to celebrate Lily. She knows you love her! ((hugs))

Julia said...

I completely understand. And, just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you.

((HUGS))

Lea said...

Oh Jen - like Bluebird said, just cry... let it go. I'm not sure how much it makes us feel any better, but it is some kind of release.

Sending you lots of strength and love from afar... especially in the next few days. Remembering sweet Lily with you.

xo

Bree said...

Oh Jen, it sounds like you're planning a really nice day. I agree with the group, let yourself cry. It's totally unfair and heartwrenching that Lily is not here with you to celebrate her first birthday. I'll be thinking of you and Lily this weekend.

Emily said...

Folding you in a giant hug, sister. Cry...holding it back won't make it better. I'll be praying for you guys this weekend. And that Lily will catch one of her balloons...

Trennia said...

It's okay friend to cry..my little one is a little over a year and I still cry.

Mirna said...

Oh Jen, just let the tears flow - on my shoulder. We cry not only because we miss them but because we know nothing can bring them back. Just remember one day, one day we will reunite with them again. That thought keeps me strong. Lots of love and hugs

Trennia said...

(((HUGS)))