Thursday, July 9, 2009

Lily's ashes

The other day at work the local news showed up to talk to a girl that I work with regarding a lawsuit against a local funeral home. To make a long story short, her dad died and they did a closed casket funeral and they assumed that dad was in the casket that was buried, but no he wasn't, he was actually in the cooler for 5 months until the found out that he was never buried. Can you imagine?

So, I started to panic that maybe Lily's ashes weren't in her urn. I have never seen Lily's ashes actually, and have been putting it off for a later date. I've thought about getting a cremation pendant to wear, but haven't got to that point yet. So, my hubby showed me her ashes last night. Surreal. My heart didn't beat while I held that bag in my hand, the bag that holds the remains of my beautiful daughter's body. She was 11 and 1/2 inches long and weighed 1 lb. 2 oz. and all of her was in this tiny bag. My hubby went with Lily to the cremation place and put her body in the box so that she wouldn't be alone (I have tears running down my face and I type this words, because his strength continues to marvel me). I sat at home that night alone knowing that I would never see her on this earth again and that her body was no longer.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her tiny perfect body and the short moments that I held her in my arms. Now, all I have is this tiny bag in her urn on a shelf in my room...and, thats enough pain for any mommy to have to carry...

7 comments:

Brendan and Brenna's Mom said...

I swear sometimes I think you read my mind.

There have been a few things regarding grave yards in the news, and I was just getting ready to write a post about how much it freaked me out.

I'll wait til tomorrow so I'm not a copy cat. :)

My Crazy LIfe....BUT love it! said...

I am sorry you are hurting so much Jen, you know if u ever need to talk about anything call me no matter what time....I Love You.

Mrs. Mother said...

A few years ago, there was a funeral home not far from here who basically did the same thing. I just can't imagine.

I haven't looked at Jenna's ashes, either. For one thing, I can't get her urn open. For another, I'm not sure how well I would handle it.

I also had tears at your story of your Dh taking her body to the cremation place. Big hugs to both of you.

Bree said...

Bless your sweet husband.
I was surprised at how little ashes there were. Ella's ashes are in a tiny pewter heart. I like the idea of spreading them somewhere special, but I also can't bear to be without them. So for now, the heart sits on my nightstand next to my side of the bed.
Thinking of you, your DH, and Lily tonight!

Never forgetting Gregory said...

That is so sad. I'm so sorry for the person who had to find that out. It must have been something else to see those tiny ashes. Your husband sounds amazingly strong. Hugs.

Mirna said...

I am so sorry Jen, I can only imagine how you felt - all the pain and memories... And that poor girl, what a shock it must have been to find her dad being there all along. Lots of love and hugs.

Emily said...

Just crying with you. It's hard to look at that tiny little drift of all that's left. Sometimes I shake Leila's memory box and listen to the tinkling of the ashes and imagine that's the music of her voice.

As much as their little lives impact you, it's heartbreaking to see the small amount of what we have left...

Loving you, sweetie. Would do anything to take away some of your pain! (but, because I can't, I'll just pray).