Wednesday, December 17, 2008

No hope for me...

So, we went to see the specialist today. Whatever hope that I had of ever carrying a baby again has been sucked out of my sails. Unequivocally, he says that I should never get pregnant again. He says that it is too life-threatening~ I had to take him even more seriously when he said that if it were his wife, sister, or mother that he would want a doctor to be this open and frank with them. My heart is broken, because not only do I mourn the loss of my daughter, but knowing that I will never feel life move inside me again is very hard for me as a woman.

I told my husband that I should be thankful that the organs that don't work inside me are not the ones that I need to sustain my life. But it is hard as a human to know that after I die there will be nothing left to carry on my genes. I understand that I can still parent a child through adoption, and maybe that person will carry on some of my traits and my essence. I would love any child brought into our home with every fiber of my being, and they will be family through and through. Surrogacy is still an option, but an extremly costly option and still will not guarantee a sucessful pregnancy and live birth.

So, here we are...all little girls plan on getting married and having babies...this is not the happy ending that I had planned on giving my fairytale.

8 comments:

Beth said...

Oh Jen, I am so sorry. That is such horrible news, and I have nothing to say to make you feel any better. I am glad that you are so open to adoption and I think it is a great option, but I can't imagine having my choices taken away like yours have been. I'm impressed with your attitude, though, and your realization that at least YOU are still living. Good luck with all of your decisions.

aimeeeamomof3 said...

Love you Jen!

Mrs. Mother said...

I am so sorry. I wish you had gotten better news today. Big hugs to you. I too am glad you are open to adoption, but I'm still sad you won't be able to carry another little one.

Never forgetting Gregory said...

I am so sorry. There is nothing anyone can say. I can only imagine what this must feel like for you and I'm so so sorry you have to deal with this painful reality. It isn't fair. You deserve to carry and deliver healthy babies and I'm so sorry this isn't going to happen. I know that you WILL be a great mommy to any and all children whose little feel run through your home, but that doesn't take away this pain right now. Hugs.

Rebekah said...

I'm so sorry. :(

mlg- believe N miracles said...

I am so sorry, I wish I had better words than that.
You are a great mother, no one can take that away from you.
(((HUGS)))

Jessica said...

Jen, I am so sorry to hear that you received such terrible news. I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain. Please know that my thoughts are with you. Hugs!

Hollie said...

I am so sorry you received this news. I can't say anything to make this better, I know that! Just know that all of us are here for you!

Adoption is an absolutely wonderful thing, and I'm sure when the time comes, you guys will make the right decision for YOU.

My gf does surrogacy (she's on her 3rd time, and 5 babies total) and it's absolutely beautiful. Can be costly, but it's oh so worth it. I'm actually considering being a surrogate after this baby is born!

((hugs))