Friday, December 19, 2008

Is it official?

I feel like I've losing my mind! Those of you who know me personally may be thinking "what took you so long to figure it out?" but maybe I do need to get some counseling. Here's the reason: Every other night for like the last 3 weeks I have had a dream that someone I love has died. I'm not going to list the names of the deceased in my dreams because I'm not psychic and don't want people rushing out to increase their life insurance policies. I know these dreams are coming from the fear of losing the ones I love, because of how heartbroken I am over the death of Lily. I just want the dreams to stop because I wake up all upset and weird-ed out. But I will tell you that I normally am extra nice to the person following a dream. So, if I buy your lunch or hug you too many times, well, you probably made the death-dream list.

The dream I had last night is especially upseting because if this person died in real life...I would absouletly give up on life. The world has lost a lot of meaning for me (especially in the last few months) but losing this person would throw me right off a cliff. I love this person with every fiber of my soul and will every day of their lives unconditionally~ so, this dream has me really freaked out.

Whether this is normal going through the grieving process or not- I want it to stop, because sleeping is for rest and I don't feel as if I'm getting that is :)


aimeeeamomof3 said...

hi aunt jenjen! i`m really sorry about those dreams. yea i`m the first one to post! luv ya lots,
your favorite neice,

Orluna said...


I know this isn't a reassurance, but they are completely normal. Your mind is working through some very tough things right now. Think of it as 24hr grieving, and as much as that sucks, you need it to heal. So, think of it like you are healing faster, dealing with the intricacies of mortality. I love you and am here for you. When the intensity of the dreams eases, it should be a sign that you are slowly coming out of the grieving. You will always remember and love Lily, but for her sake, your husband's and yours, you need to heal... and that, sweetie, takes time.