Thursday, May 5, 2011

Last night...

I had one of those moments.

I was with my book club and 3 of the ladies have given birth to baby girls in the last 6 months. It's not the baby girl part that sadden me, actually. It was all the talk of smock dresses, going to tea parties and the other girlie things that stabbed me in the heart. I'll never have that. Adoption or surrogacy is just so hard that it seems unfathomable that we'll grow our family that way.

I guess I went last night in a vulnerable state anyways. I've been missing Lily and quite frankly, Delilah, a lot the last few days. I think the walk sparked some longing in my heart again, well, that longing is always there but it hasn't been so dorminant the last few days. And, how crazy is it to miss your cat? She was just always there to give me extra love and she just "listened", ya know? Just listening is a rarity in humans. I recently decided to stop being so open with one person in my life because they just always want to give advice when sometimes I just want someone to listen.

I'm just in a pity party mood, I guess!

5 comments:

AKD said...

This isn't a pity party at all; I totally understand. My cousin and I were due one day apart when I was pregnant with Maddie, both with little girls. She had her daughter on Maddie's due date, and is now pregnant again. It makes me so sad to think of a beautiful little 1 1/2 year old becoming a big sister - I wish Maddie had that with Alice, and I wish Lily had that with Cooper. Hugs.

E said...

:( sorry. I wish you were holding your baby girl in your arms.

You're doing great. Bad things happen for no good reason.

Becky said...

I know what its like to have someone always wanting to give me advice when all you want is that person to listen. I am sorry you have to feel like you can no longer be so open with them. Tell me, I'll listen.
And your not having a pity party, you are just missing your little girl and your kitty also it sounds :(
Thinking of you and Lily always

Sarita Boyette said...

(((HUGS)) Jen. I understand the little girl talk upsetting you. Even though I later had girls, it still hurts some days to know what I missed with M. I miss my cats that have gone on, too, because some of them comforted me in a way that no human could. I wish you still had Lily and Delilah.xoxo

Becky Baker said...

Im with you 100% on the baby girl talk, clothes, etc. Its been almost 10 months and I cant even look or hear at anything to do with baby girls!
It breaks my heart!
You were so good to go! I am proud of you!!
hugs