Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Rabbit Hole

I have no idea why my posts aren't in paragraphs instead of one long paragraph. Anyone know how to fix this problem? I'm out of ideas and I apologize! Have any of you seen this movie? It's about a couple learning how to live their life again following their son's death. It's really depressing but I guess there isn't anyway to make a movie about a child's death into a "light" movie, now is there? I was partically interested in the scene where they're at support group and this couple is talking about how their daughter's death was God's plan and that God needed another angel. The mom in the movie interrupts the parent's to say "He's God, why didn't He just make another angel?" Now, every momma in the babyloss community has received both of these comments and normally they come from well-meaning (albeit, clueless) people. And, I believe the first statement that God does have a plan and I don't have to be in agreement with this plan. But, I don't buy the second comment about God needing angels. I'm not a theologican by any means but I know that when we die that we don't become angels. We die and we go to Heaven if we've accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. I believe though that babies are too young to make this decision and to go to Heaven when they die. (Please, email me with any questions related to these statements! These are my personal beliefs and this is my blog...so there!) Another part of the movie is when the mom and grandma (her mom) are packing up the son's belongings and putting them away in attempts to sell their house. The grandma also had a child die so the mom asks her if the pain ever goes away. I liked the grandma's answer and paraphrasing here, she's basically says that your child's death changes you because of the weight that you carry. She compared the grief to carrying a rock in your pocket. You carry the rock in your pocket and you get used to carrying the extra weight and sometimes you pull that rock out of your pocket and feel the pain all over again. I think this is true regardless of the type of loss that you carry. Long time readers will know that I strongly discourage people from making their loss greater than someone elses. I don't compare misscarriage vs stillbirth vs infant death vs older child's death. Someone's grief is all relative. Anyhow, I know that there are days when I skip through the world with a smile on my face and no one would ever know what I carry in my heart but there are other days when the weight is carried all over my body. The weight in my heart is too much. Those days are less and the lighter days are more but I still feel that rock in my pocket. I've accepted this rock in my pocket but I'll never be okay with carrying it. I'd much rather feel the weight of my daughter rather than the weight of this rock but I guess that's my life in a different rabbit hole...

8 comments:

E said...

I want to see that movie. Is it out yet?

People say really stupid things because they don't know how to relate.

Melissa said...

I just wanted this movie the other day myself. I agree with you completely!

rebecca said...

I hadn't seen this movie yet, but definitely want to check it out. I liked the response the grandmother gave, so very true!

Sherri said...

I like the analogy of carrying a rock.. it fits. sadly.

Rhiannon said...

I have been wanting to see this movie, too. I agree about grief being relative...I say that all the time :) I love the analogy about the rock, so true...it is ours to carry for life. Lots of love <3

Becky said...

I agree on the rock analogy, very fitting.
I might have to see that movie now

New Year Mum said...

Your rock analogy is so true... thinking of you always xoxo

Sarita Boyette said...

I would like to see that movie.
I also believe that our babies are not angels, but they do go to Heaven. I agree with you on how to get to Heaven, and I am hoping to see my Meredith and other loved ones some day.