Sunday, February 6, 2011

He's the boss!

The sermon at church today was talking about our responsiblity to God once we're saved and it was an awesome message, let me tell you! But, one line really stood out to me and (paraphrasing) our preacher basically said that God is the boss and He's going to will things into our lives that we're not going to agree with and our responsibility is to accept these things as His will in our lives. Hmmm, not an easy one to swallow...

I was really stuck on the "why me, why us and why her" the other day. I told a friend the other day that God doesn't owe me an explanation. I truly believe He does all things for a reason. He is way to wise to allow things to happen that won't serve a greater purpose. I cannot even fathom a thesis as to what Lily's death would serve but my human heart is way to stubborn to even really want to know an answer. Really, what would an answer serve when (God willing) I still have 50+ (60+?) years to still live down on Earth.

Funny thing is, I'm not even mad at God for choosing us for this trial. I'm not even mad at God for the hysterectomy or for Cooper's hypotonia. I don't feel sorry for myself. I pray that I'm make Him proud and that I never gave up faith when I needed to shine it the most.

Funny thing, this grief journey, eh? My prayer is for the peace that only He can give...

1 comment:

AKD said...

Oh, Jen. You are a wonderful, wonderful woman. I never really went through the "angry at God" thing, either - losing our babies is awful, but it just IS. It's just a horrible shame.