Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Dream or a nightmare?

I had a dream (so, we'll call it) where I found out that I was pregnant (which we all know is impossible) and my dream me was less than happy. I spent most of the dream saying things like "this isn't supposed to happen!" and "where is the baby growing?". But, I also remember in the dream saying "my uterus is a death trap!" I also kept saying I can't leave Cooper to go hang out in a hospital for 8 weeks on bed rest...actually, I found the dream me to be quite logical!

In reality, I would never get pregnant again even if I didn't have the hysterectomy. Let's face it that my body (er, ex-uterus) obviously wasn't meant for it's intended purpose. It exploded at 23 weeks with Lily and barely pulled through for Cooper at 31 weeks. My pet peeve these days is hearing pregnant women complain about how long their pregnancies are...well, don't you sign up for 40 weeks when you get pregnant? Um, hello? I would've loved to carry a baby to full-term (heck, I would've taken anywhere from 35-36 weeks really!). But, let's not digress...

It has been on my heart lately to look into adoption again. I would love for Cooper to have a brother or sister to grow up with so this really is our most realistic option. Although, I'm totally renting a uterus if we ever win the lottery! Or, if someone in my real-life would like to volunteer to be a compassionate surrogate ;) Ha, you will be upgraded to my new best friend! I know that my sister growing up (and, even today) was my sidekick in everything..and, I want Coop to have that, too! He'll always have Lily as his big sister but I would love for him to be someone's big brother :)

Anyways, my pregnancy memories aren't fond, (well, Lily's pregnancy was perfect until the day that it wasn't) so my anger/worry in my dream didn't surprise me and those feelings lingered long after I woke up. I was blessed to experience pregnancy 2 times though and we made 2 beautiful babies...and, that's where I'll always be eternally grateful!

4 comments:

Sherri said...

When we first started battling infertility, I used to joke with one of my best friends saying "Come on Tash, My eggs, ken's swimmers, your uterus, let's go!" lol! That was before I had my surgery, and they gave me a fairly good chance of being able to carry a baby. Not too long ago she told me that she would be willing to do that for me. I don't know if I'll ever put that statement to the test. It's so scary to think of trying to carry another baby, that it's really tempting!
Anyway, whatever you decide, I truly wish you all the best with it!

Trennia said...

I have those dreams too, that I'm pregnant and in my dreams I keep saying I can't be..it's really weird.(((HUGS)))
I'm glad you shared this at least I know I'm not alone thank you Jen.

brigette said...

Wow what a crazy dream!! Adoption is an amazing thing! If thats what you choose you do I will pray for you!! Your a great mommy!

AKD said...

I totally get this! I kept being terrified of my cervix just disintegrating in my dreams. Hugs to you for being such a caring mommy!