Sunday, August 23, 2009

You get to a point...

where your focus has to switch from grieving to planning...I miss Lily, and I love her with every fiber of my being. I still long for how my life could be with my daughter. My daughter who would be 8 months old now. I'm back to sleeping with Lily bear because I feel guilty that I haven't been grieving as much as I had been before...my focus honestly has switched to getting Lily's brother here safely. My hubby and I both had tears in our eyes as we talked about the day that Lily died and how we both want to meet Cooper...comfort him when he cries, change countless dirty diapers, feed him, burp him...all the things that we never got a chance to do with Lily.

I talk to Lily about watching over her little brother, and I do credit her and thank God everytime that I see Cooper on the u/s screen. We had a MRI on Tuesday and they say that my uterus is completely stable and that Cooper is perfect in every way. I can't help but think that she's involved...and, that she knows that I will be useless in life forever if something happens to him, too.

Thank you, Lily for watching out for your little brother and keep up the good work! I know you will love him in his little brother onesie. We love you so much and I promise that he will always know about you!

5 comments:

Jessica said...

Hey girl. I know the guilt you are feeling. Sometimes you feel as if it appears you are moving on, but your not. Your little angel is with you every day. Hugs!

Beth said...

This is so much like what I was feeling a month or two before Eleanor came along. I also felt guilty, like that I didn't miss Ada enough. And then something would remind me of her and I would cry, and I'd realize that oh I really DO miss her! This still happens, by the way.

I'm glad you sound so positive! :) Yay!

Bluebird said...

It makes perfect sense. You have to do your best for Cooper, just as you did and continue to do for Lily. Both your babies are so very loved :)

Mirna said...

Lily knows much more that you give her credit for, lol! I am sure she wouldn't want it any other way. She knows you'll always love her. :)

Bree said...

I agree with Bluebird. It makes perfect sense. We carry our babies with us in all we do even when we are moving forward. Be kind to yourself.