Friday, May 15, 2009

I just miss her...

I miss Lily everyday, but the last few days have been extremely difficult for me. Let me warn you that my next statement makes me sound certifiable...it occurred to me on Monday after seeing the heartbeat of our new little bean that I am pregnant with a completely different human being. That sounds crazy. I keep flashing back to how I felt when I was pregnant with her. I can already find some differences between this pregnancy and when I was pregnant with Lily, and these differences make me cry.

I was sitting at my desk today and I had tears in my eyes as I had a thought about my pregnancy with Lily...and, all the innocence and naivety that I had with the things that can happen at any time of pregnancy. I'm trying so hard to get attached, but parts of me just want to protect myself. I do know that I already love this baby, and have started to daydream about meeting them one day.

I just miss Lily...so much...

6 comments:

madyson adams said...

I DO 2!!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss her sooooo super much!

Lea said...

What a pull at different emotions.... I get it. Lily misses you too... she will help you and your new little one through this.

xo

Hollie said...

It's so hard isn't it - too try and find that fine line with your emotions right now?

I remember the first u/s we had of Allie - that little gummy bear with a heartbeat. That one was the hardest for me, because I did as you did, and looked at that new little life inside there, and realized that it was a completely different baby - taking up the same space that Cameron called home just 5 months prior.

It will get easier to separate the two as your pregnancy progresses. It's hard at the same time though, you know? You'll make it, and you'll have Lily helping you every step of the way!

Emalee said...

(((hugs))) to you!!!

Michelle said...

I remember crying at my first few ultrasounds - and they weren't tears of happiness. I really feel for you right now.

Cindie (Beauty3551) said...

I'm so sorry! I came to your blog after seeing a Dec09 post on bbc. (I have one on this site) That had to be horrible. :) She'll always be there for you watching over you and your new little one!!!!