Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Hormones!

My emotions are all over the place and I don't know if its the hormones or the reality of everything hitting me. Let me give you a few instances:

1. If I hear one more time "see, I told you if you would relax you would get pregnant." As a woman that has had issues with fertility, I find any and all such comments as very insulting. My comment to someone this morning was "I hardly think God cares how much work I put into getting pregnant this month when He's the one that does it on His timetable." Truly, irked me.

2. I love looking at my new ultrasound pictures of our new bean, but I just am not ready to pull Lily's u/s pic off of my my.space profile picture. Literally, I just got done bawling. I love my Lily, but this makes me feel guilty for not throwing myself into this new little life inside me.

3. I just cannot invision actually bringing a baby home in December and am always thinking that something is going to happen. I pray for our new bean several times a day, but I did the same thing for Lily...but, she isn't here with me.

I just found out that Kayleigh Freeman died and this has my heart just broken in a million pieces. Please, say a prayer for this family because we all know the pain that this family is now facing. The post that the wrote in memory of their daughter is beautiful...

So, my emotions have hit every spectrum...irked to weepy to doubtful to heartbroken...I'm having a moment or two...maybe, I'll be better tomorrow!

4 comments:

Lea said...

Oh JenJen, I have had many moments today too... must be in the air.

Hang in there... thinking of you

jennifer said...

Oh Jen..I think most mommies that lost our precious babies can all relate to your roller coaster right now, pregnant, not pregnant, trying to get pregnant, I don't think you can breathe that final real sigh of relief until that baby is laying in your arms, heart beating, breathing and fully alive. You take care and remember we are here for you! Sometimes along the journey you need help walking through those valleys...

Never forgetting Gregory said...

I agree with absolutely everything you have said. Those "relax" comments are incredibly insulting. I worry about actually bringing home a living baby as well. I'm just trying to make each week a goal to reach and live little bits at a time. I feel guilty for still missing Gregory so much while I should be nothing but happy for Number 2, and then feeling guilty when I get excited about Number 2. I just want you to know you are not alone. Some days I cannot handle the "new" stories about dead babies. It breaks my heart all over again. Hugs.

Mirna said...

Jen what you are experiencing now is 'normal' All you need is plenty of TLC. Here's a beeeeg hug for you! AAAAAAArh! did you feel that?
:)