Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Empty Chair

We had breakfast on Saturday at one of our favorite places and I had one of "those" moments. One of "those" moments where your mind drifts to what life would be like....I wrote this after coming home on Saturday while Cooper was taking a nap and my honey was working on a project. It's those quiet moments when you're alone that your heart and reality meet that brought me to write this piece:

The Empty Chair

I couldn't help but think of you as I looked at the empty chair. I couldn't help but look across the table at your daddy and think of all we've been through since we got married. Then I looked to my right where you're little brother sat in his high-chair and I smiled. I give him a quick kiss on his cheek and tell him that I love him. I look to my left and there was the empty chair.

The empty chair where you should be sitting in your booster seat. My mind races to what I would've ordered you and how fun it would've been to watch you color on the kid's puzzles that the restaurant gives all the kids. My mind has the daydreams but my eyes see the reality of the empty chair.

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A table for four with a family of three was never so painful...I didn't cry...no one even knew where my mind and heart was...You get to be an expert at having "those" moments undected after 25 months...

5 comments:

Michelle Karr said...

I have been there! I remember the first time we sat down to eat dinner at our kitchen table and the empty chair was almost unbarable! We just never know when those moments will hit. (((HUGS)))

Trennia said...

(((HUGS)))

Bree said...

You write and honor Lily so beautifully, Jen. How I wish she were here. xo

rebecca said...

I came across your blog when I saw your comment on a friends page...I immediately noticed that your daughter shared the same name as mine & that you also lost her at 23wks, imagine my surprise when I saw that you are also a social worker! Needless to say we have a few things in common & I'm thankful to have stumbled upon your blog. I can definitely relate to the empty chair...it's so sadly quiet in our house without Lily and I have to wonder will there ever be a little one to share our lives with?

Holly said...

What you wrote is so true. How often we see the empty chair.