Thursday, June 10, 2010

My neice had surgery yesterday so we went to go see her in the hospital (minor outpatient surgery but she's 8 so it was huge for her). I decided to go to the gift shop and get her a stuffed animal from Cooper but while I was there a book caught my attention, Naming the Child by Jenny Schroedel. I've seen plenty of self-help/motivational books related to the subject of miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death but a poem in the first few pages propelled me to buy it...and, I haven't been able to put it down. Sometimes, I am able to read a few pages stoically but some pages are read by eyes filled with tears. There are a few items from this book that I'd like to share but will start with the poem that brought the book from their shelf to my nightstand~

~Nobody knew you~
Nobody knew you
"Sorry about the miscarriage dear, but you couldn't have been very far along."
...existed.
Nobody knew you
"It's not as though you lost an actual person."
...were real.
Nobody knew you
"Well it probably wasn't a viable fetus. It's all for the best."
...were perfect.
Nobody knew you
"You can always have another!"
...were unique.
Nobody knew you
"You already have a beautiful child. Be happy!"
...were loved for yourself.
Nobody knew you
...but us
And we will always remember
...You
By Jan Cosby
I loved this because it incorporated those (normally well-meaning) but stupid cliches that people offer to us when we lose a baby. How many times have we screamed these responses in our hearts and minds when we received these ridiculous words of comfort? I know I have but have always smiled and nodded then changed the subject to safer territory...
I knew Lily's sweet presence from the very moment I knew of her existence...she's could never be anyone else other than Lily. No other name could've sufficed for my precious one...She was real, perfect, and unique...and, most importantly, irreplacable...

6 comments:

Trennia said...

(((HUGS)))

Holly said...

That poem is def different than many I've seen because it does incorporate those phrases and shows that we don't feel that way at all.

AKD said...

That just made me bawl - that is so true. Both the things that people say, and the mourning of the world not being able to share the perfect child that we were so blessed to carry.

Hugs to you, Jen.

Maggie said...

Oh wow, another one I may have to pick up! That poem is so true. (((HUGS))

Melissa said...

That is so true - thank you for sharing!

Jessica said...

such a true poem...it incorporates so much more then other poems. Thank you for sharing this.