Thursday, June 3, 2010

Lily has been gone for 22 months today. In a mere 60 days she will be gone for 2 years. To most people she is just a mere memory...to me she is a constant thought...

I remember the first days, weeks, months after she died I would wonder how I would feel after one year...been there and her absence was still a stabbing jab to every part of my being...now as her 2 year angelversary draws near the stabbing jab is still there...

My friend was telling me about a cute redheaded toddler girl the other day and the pang was still there...I think it was a combination of her being so close to Lily's age and the redhair...

I sobbed while watching the Real housewives of N.J. the other day as I watched Teresa throwing a diva party for Gia...I will never plan a happy birthday party for Lily...instead I'm already planning another memorial luncheon for my family...(anyone know where I can buy butterflies to release that won't cost me an arm and a leg?)

My question is the same today as it was 22 months ago...why me?

9 comments:

Trennia said...

(((HUGS)))

Marie W said...

I ask that question all the time. Still no answers. Thinking of you.

Brie said...

As Lily's 2nd Birthday approaches, I want to thank you for your candidness and openess in sharing your journey with other moms like me who are missing their babies. Will you do anything special for Lily on her 2nd Birthday? i thought about making the cake I would have made for Denise's 1st Birthday had she lived, but opted not to..now looking back, I wish i had..I saw cards at the pharmacy today that were for "happy 1st bday" etc and I thought that would be a good memorial each year to buy my daughter a card with the age she would be on it..So I purchased a blank "happy 1st " card and will write her a letter even though I missed her bday by 2 weeks..Next year I will get a happy 2nd bday card and keep the letter writing going. Just a thought..

Mrs. Mother said...

I wonder why it had to happen to us, too. I miss her all the time, even when I don't show it. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I wonder if it will be that way forever.

Em said...

{{{hugs}}}

Holly said...

She'll always be close in thought and heart.

Maggie said...

Many hugs to you Jen. This hurt will never go away and I hate that we can't do anything about it. As far as butterfly releases go, try this site. They provide butterflies to release in memory of loved ones for FREE! :) Haven't tried it, but it's worth looking into! http://www.butterfliesandprayers.com/

LindaCatherine said...

I ask that questions a lot. Why me? I guess we will never know...

I love the idea of a memorial luncheon...I have never thought of doing that. I think I will do one for Jackson...thank you for the great idea.

Never forgetting Gregory said...

It is unfair that you will never get to throw Lily a birthday party. Big hugs to you. =( I will be thinking of you as you approach the 2 year mark.