Thursday, April 8, 2010

I cannot coddle ungratefulness...

I've recently read some posts on my birthboard about how people are upset that their birthplans didn't work out how they intended them to...one yesterday has been weighing on my mind. Basically, the young lady complained about how she had wanted to do an unmedicated natural birth but ended having to have a c-section because she was having a placenta abruption. Seriously??? Why can't you just be grateful that your daughter didn't die... In the end, does it really matter how your baby makes it into the world as long as they're safe and ALIVE??? Most of the ladies responses were very "polictically correct" but I just wanted to scream "hey, get over yourself and be grateful!"

Ugh, I think that people sometimes need to accept that things aren't always going to work out just according to plan...Yeah, my plans didn't work out the way that I wanted them to either but you know what the difference is? You get to spend everyday with your daughter...You get to pick her up and kiss her everyday...

My daughter's ashes are on the bookcase in my room...

I cannot coddle ungratefulness...I cannot act all PC...screw your birth plan...Your daughter is ALIVE...

Sorry, getting off soapbox...And, maybe I'm being unfair because I am so bitter about why I had to lose my daughter...I really don't care what I had to do to bring her into this world...heck, I would be pregnant as long as I needed to...I would've given birth to her out of any orifice that I needed to...as long as she got to be here with me...

This is my blog so I'm not going to apologize for my feelings...again, I'm not in a PC mood...

14 comments:

Em said...

I feel the same way you do. Birthing plans are pointless. The only thing you can control is how you handle what is given you.

I am sorry you're so upset.

Jessica said...

Jen, you are much more restrained then I would have been. Know what my birthing plan is....its simple....Do whatever you have to do to deliver my baby alive and healthy. That should be every mother's plan. These women don't understand how lucky they are that their babies are safe.

Jill said...

It is so hard sometimes to hear other's 'complaints' when their baby is alive. We would give anything to have our babies back. If anything, we are the one's to complain and we complain WAY less than most. I guess it is just one of those things that people do not understand unless they experience it and I sure hope they never have to experience the loss of their baby.

You are right, this is your blog so you do not need to apologize for anything! xo

Allison (Ali) said...

I totally agree with you. I just want to slap people like that-- at least your baby is alive!

:-(

Sorry you couldnt slap her - maybe that would have made you feel better :-)

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

Completely agreed. I can't stand when mothers complain about how long they were in labour, or how everything didn't work out according to their perfectly drawn out plan. Bottom line is, they have their children with them...they get to hold them in their arms every day, and we don't. So yeah, don't apologize or feel bad for voicing what we all feel.

<3

Trennia said...

only birth plan I ever wanted was for my child to live!
I didn't care how she/he entered into the world just that she/he was healthy...what is wrong with people?

Holly said...

I'm surprised you didn't say something. I think I might've! WOW. She should be very glad that both her and her daughter didn't die. She must not realize that gravity of the situation she went thru.

Mrs. Mother said...

I think you should have said something. I have a few hot buttons on my birth board, too, and sometimes I say something, others I don't. Hugs to you. I know it's hard to read those things.

Maggie said...

It's so true. It makes me feel so bitter anytime I hear people complaining about something even though they have their healthy babies right here! It's frustrating and I wonder why they just can't be happy with that. People just won't understand unless it has happened to them. I wish they knew how lucky they were. (this is your blog, say what you want!) :)

Emily said...

Preach it. One of my best friends went on a 10 minute rant with me on the phone about how she couldn't avoid a c-section, her OB wouldn't let her VBAC, this was her DREEEEEEM! I let her run for awhile, and then said, "well, my DREEEEEM was to bring my little girl home, alive. We can't all get what we want." It sucks to shut ppl down like that, but sometimes they need to be reminded of the blessing they've been given.

AKD said...

I totally get this, Jen! I'm with you - I will stand on my hand for the rest of this pregnancy if it means a healthy pregnancy (and do it again to bring Maddie back), and I know you would do the same for both of your babies. Wow, it takes some gall to complain about a change in plans - I guess some people really need to learn perspective.

Brie said...

I love what Emily said to the ungrateful VBAC mother...I agree, it sucks to shut someone down that way, but unless someone has lost their DREEEAMs through the loss of a baby, they don't understand how their comments come off sounding so selfish.

I agree, at least they have their babies alive, and can kiss and cuddle and watch them develop, instead of wondering what they'd be doing/looking like now.

I say go ahead and be non PC..it's your blog and I love reading it!

brigette said...

I am so sory for your loss. The pain is the worst in the world! I am happy that you have your sweet rainbow. It eases the pain a bit. I to lost a little one we got him a little longer than your sweet daugther but we lost him just shy of six months old to a neuromuscular condition. Sending hugs!!

Susan said...

I think that we have every right to throw the political correctness and coddling out the window. Some people don't get how fortunate they are. I had a minor meltdown a couple weeks ago about the possibility/probability of looking at a second baby with Down Syndrome. I was really pissed and felt bad for myself for a few days and then got over it. If I can bring home a living baby to love and nurture, I don't care if it has Down Syndrome or not.