Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Lily's things...

The act of taking one nursery down to prepare for another baby is an act that no parent should ever have to do...I think back to the day that I found out that our second pregnancy was a boy. I had been so torn when I had found out that I was pregnant again about how I would feel if the baby were a girl. Parts of me desperately wanted a girl for the sole purpose of not having to take down Lily's nursery. We had just started really working on it the week before Lily died. My hubby and I had taken a week long staycation just to work on the nursery. My hubby put up chair railing and had painted the chocolate brown onto the walls. The nursery bedding that I had searched for on the internet for hours had arrived. We bought and decorated the letters to spell out her name for above the crib...a week later she would be gone and all this work would be for naught...

My hubby came home from the hospital and put blankets on everything in the nursery and hid everything to remind me of being pregnant before I came home. I avoided her nursery for weeks but slowly began to allow myself to touch her things. I would pick up certain clothing and press them against my abdomen as if they could put her back in my belly again.

I spend so much time in this nursery now but it's not her's anymore. It belongs to her brother now. Packing up her things~ her bedding, toys, and clothes into plastic containers was so painful. Those containers now sit in the nursery closet...one day I will pull them out again and touch them and I know I will cry tears for the items that never had a chance to be used by their owner. I'm not strong enough for that yet, though...one day...just not now...






11 comments:

Jill said...

Taking down a nursery after a child goes to heaven is something no one should have to do. I am so sorry that you have to do this. My heart is with you during this time. xo

Maggie said...

Thinking of you and sending you hugs. (((HUGS))))

Lea said...

Jen - Lily's room is breathtaking... I especially love the ladybug :)

I know all too well, how incredibly difficult it is to pack our babies things away.... it took me forever.

Sending you lots and lots of strength.

Look forward to seeing how Cooper's room turns out.

Em said...

I am so sorry you had to do that. Her nursery was beautiful. I find that ironic that the quilt I made for my Lilly was also pink and brown. What can I say? We have great taste!

The only things I had bought for my Lilly were a car seat and a high chair I found on sale for only $20. I couldn't leave that in the store. So, I didn't really have to put anything away, other than my maternity clothes.

So far we have only bought two things for our Sweet Pea. I got an awesome deal on a stroller that I couldn't pass up, and my boys bought the baby some foot rattles for the baby for Christmas. I have been hesitant to buy anything. I should just be happy and excited, but I still have that worry and fear. Sigh...

Oh, and as soon as I have this baby I have to have my uterus taken out. Good times. Did they only take your uterus or did they give you a full hysterectomy? Sorry if that is too personal of a question. You don't have to answer it if you don't want to.

Melissa said...

Her room was so beautiful! I can only imagine how heartbreaking it would be to do that.

Trennia said...

(((HUGS)))
lots of
((((((HUGS))))))

Jess said...

What a beautiful nursery! I know that must have been so hard to take it all down and pack it away. Right before we found out about Elli I had purchased a ton of clothes for her at garage sales. They sat in my room for a long time until I finally had to put them away to show our house when it was on the market. I remember how sad that was. ((Big Hugs!!))

Jessica said...

I love the pink and brown together. Her nursery was beautiful.

No one should have to put their baby's unused items away...it just shouldn't happen. Thinking of you and Lily.

Bluebird said...

This - "transition" - is exactly what we've been dealing with lately. It goes so against the way things are "supposed to be." It's so hard.

Her room was beautiful, btw.

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

Lily's room is beautiful. I completely understand what you mean about the nursery. I am not pregnant again, but I dread taking the things in room down. We worked on our Lilly's room for months...and now it sits untouched by it's owner. Praying for you...

Bree said...

Her things are really beautiful, Jen. I can imagine how difficult it was to take those things down. xoxo