Tuesday, December 22, 2009

My second Christmas without her...

and I miss her just as much as her first Christmas. This year though I do it with less tears because after awhile you (actually!) do cry less but the ache still pangs your heart.

What makes this Christmas different is that we do have a baby in the house this Christmas. We've been sent 5 baby's first Christmas ornaments and they all look beautiful on the tree. He has 3 different baby's first Christmas sleepers which I have to put on him for the next 3 nights. I spent hours finding just the right stocking to hang in between my stocking and my hubby's stocking. He's only 7 weeks old but he has presents underneath the tree. Doing all of this for Cooper reminds me of what I'll never do with Lily.

I will always go out of my way to not show the pain in my eyes as I celebrate Christmas with my son but in my heart the day will never have the same luster without Lily here to celebrate with us.

I can only imagine what a beautiful day it will be on Christmas day in Heaven. What a delight all our babies will have as they attend the birthday party of all birthday parties! Knowing what a glorious day she will have celebrating with our Saviour makes me anxious to get up there myself!

Lily,

We miss you not just during this time of year but everyday of the year. We love you without ceasing and you live forever in our hearts. Can you please give Jesus a big happy birthday hug from Mommy, Daddy, and Cooper? We know He is taking good care of you until Mommy can be with you again...

My heart forever,
Mommy

7 comments:

Susan said...

Jen, I am sorry that it is such a bitter-sweet occasion. I can only imagine how difficult it is, yet I am hoping to be in your shoes next year. Sending you many, many hugs....

Bree said...

I just don't think that pang in your heart will ever cease. I spoke with two lbm's this week. One who last a son four years ago, another who lost a daughter nineteen years ago. Both, expressed that the holidays are always tough. They do have ways the continue to honor their children. For example, one always lights a special candle and sets it in the Xmas dinner table. We will find ways to integrate Lily's and Ella's memory, but will always feel that pang. I'm overjoyed that Cooper is in your arms this year. Sounds like you have a nice day planned. Merry Christmas, Jen!

Jessica said...

*hugs* I am so sorry Jen, but I can understand how you are missing Lily. They will always be in our hearts regardless of the time of year.

Bluebird said...

"I can only imagine what a beautiful day it will be on Christmas day in Heaven. What a delight all our babies will have as they attend the birthday party of all birthday parties! Knowing what a glorious day she will have celebrating with our Saviour makes me anxious to get up there myself!"

Aw, I needed this. Thanks honey.

Thinking of you and both your babies during this bittersweet time. ((Hugs))

Trennia said...

Merry CHRISTmas my friend...yes our babies are having the best CHRISTmas...in heaven with our Lord Jesus.

Jess said...

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with Cooper, even though I know you will be missing Lily so much. It is neat to think of all our babies celebrating up there together with Jesus, and someday we'll be there too! Merry Christmas!

Em said...

I am so sorry. I'm feeling the same way, even though I never got to physically meet my Lilly. Thanks for the reminder that they are celebrating Christ's birth with the Savior himself.

Merry Christmas!