Sunday, September 13, 2009

You can't help but think back~

Being in the hospital does take me back to the last time that I was a patient in the hospital. The last time that I was in the hospital I was mourning the death of my daughter and this time I lay in the bed trying to prevent an emergency and loss of another baby. I do get asked by every nurse that comes on duty about what happened in my previous pregnancy (hopefully, the nurses will become more regular and I don't have to repeat the worst day of my life a million times.) I know the nurse's on this hall see a lot of sad things, but they have such a nature sense of empathy that sharing the story of my pregnancy with Lily has been cathartic.

I brought my photo album of Lily with me to the hospital. I almost brought Lily bear but decided against it because I would just fall to pieces if something happened to her. We talk about Lily when we're in this room. She's always missed even as we plan for her brother. Life is surreal right now...that its difficult to find all the right words to explain how I feel day to day. You don't want to let go of the past as you plan for the future~


Lea said...

I can imagine all the emotions you are feeling. No, you can't let go of the past (and you shouldn't) while planning the future... but I can guarantee that your Lily is there with you every step of the way.


Anonymous said...

I can only imagine all the emotions you are feeling. You never will forget Lilly. She will always be a part of your life and now is watching over you and Cooper as you go through the next chapter in your life.

Hollie said...

I've been thinking of you!! I hope your stay is as comfortable as possible and everything goes amazing for you guys!

I felt the same way being in that hospital, on the floor, again. Just the smell of the rooms brought everything back. I brought Cameron's blanket with me when I had Allie, and almost left it there! We were almost out the door, when one of the cleaners called the nurses phone and said they had found a little green blanket.
I would have DIED if we would have left it and they threw it out.

I can't wait to meet little "Cooper"! Lily is going to make sure everything goes just fine with you guys! :)

Bluebird said...

I'm scared of hospital bedrest for this very reason :) I don't really remember being there. . .I don't really know "where" I was (what room), or what was going on outside my door. . . but I fear that, should I go back there, it will call come flooding back! I can't imagine the mix of emotions you're feeling right now.

I'm so glad, though, that the nurses are empathetic, and that you've "enjoyed" (wrong word) talking about Lilly. It's so nice to have an opportunity where people aren't scared to listen and ask questions.

Always thinking of you.