After all this time...

I read a post on FB recently regarding a family that lost a daughter to stillbirth and even after all this time, those posts still make my heart skip a beat.  I think back some times and wonder how I ever made it through those first days, weeks and months following her death.  I mean, what choice did I have really? 

According to the ticker on her blog, it's been 5 years, 7 months and 21 days since she died.  I still think about her often.  I haven't cried in a long time but I do have that ache.  I woke up one morning and was missing her. It wasn't any special date but I woke up and the longing was there.  I went shopping for some stuff for Lily's little brother and saw some purple butterflies.  I didn't have a plan for them but I knew that she had a hand in me buying them when I saw that her lilies had started to grow.  I hadn't noticed them when I left to go to the store but saw them as soon as I pulled into our driveway.  So, I made little butterfly posts to decorate her lily area.  I received the butterfly flag holder and the dancing butterfly post as a gift for my birthday.  I bought the flag this morning and thought it was perfect for that area...

This Wednesay, my birthday, will be the 6th anniversary of finding out that I was pregnant with her.  My heart will never forget how happy that I was that day.  My heart had no idea what was headed it's way and how it would never be the same.  

So, even after all this time, I love her. I miss her. I'll never stop wishing that she were here.  I'll never have a birthday where she's not in my thoughts.